V: “Are you gonna take your purse?”

S: “I’m gonna take my black computer bag.”

V: “That’s definitely your purse.”

V, tucking herself into a pile of duvets and blankets under the Christmas tree: “This is where I sleep now.”

“We’re waiting outside the store if you can’t keep your mouth off the Christmas decorations.”

S: “Put the dinosaurs back in the bin.”

V: “This is not a dinosaur.”

S: (Sigh) “OK, put the dinosaurs and the pterosaur back in the bin.”

“Mommy, I just can’t wait for Daddy time when you go to your meeting!”

V: “This helicopter doesn’t fly.”

S: “Why doesn’t it fly?”

V: “Because it’s a toy.”

S: “You got me there.”

S: “Do I need to start taking things away?”

V: “I want you to take something away.”

S: “OK, let’s start with your hammock.”

V: (As I’m taking down the hammock) “Next time start with something else. Next time you should start with a toy.”

S: “Next time, think about it before saying you want me to take something away.”

V: “Next time I’ll tell you to take away my doll house, and then my hot dog truck…and then the last thing will be my hammock.”

S: “That’s not how this works.”

M: “How much do you love your little brother?”

V: “I love him as fast as a velociraptor runs!”

“I told Siri not to play the bad guy song. But the bad guy didn’t know why I told him not to sing. That was the funniest part—when the bad guy said, “I want to sing!” but I said “No.”

V: “No, don’t shower.”

S: “Well I’m very sweaty and very dirty.”

V: “Oh, that sounds like a problem.”